Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Commitment? Really? Do I Have To?

It starts at an early age. What's that? What starts at an early age? The fear of commitment starts at an early age with many males.

What are you talking about, AJ? Seriously? Are you on the strawberry Kool-Aid again?

Hold on. Hold on. I can explain this if you have a minute or five.

My son is four years old. He is a fairly well adjusted child who likes Hot Wheels, Lightning McQueen and beating up his daddy. Other hobbies include watching Sid the Science Kid, running really fast and beating up his daddy.

There is a theme here.

Last year Logan went to a three year old pre-kindergarten class three days a week. He was one of only four boys in the class. The other fifteen children were, you guessed it, little girls with ponytails and shiny eyes. One of the boys left a few weeks into the school year, leaving three boys and fifteen girls. It kind of reminds me of that old Jan and Dean song, Surf City. Instead of two girls for every boy, it was more like five girls for every boy.

There was one child among these young ladies that was smitten with my son. She's a cute little child with dark hair and dark eyes. A few weeks into the school year she got up the courage to play with Logan. After that she played with him on a regular basis. Then it happened.

"Logan Brown," she says in all seriousness. "I'm going to marry you."

The blood in my son’s face drained out, leaving a pale mask of his normally cheerful persona. It happened another couple of times with that same little girl. When I asked him about it, he covered his head with his blanket and refused to come out.

That was last year…

Logan is now in four-year-old pre-kindergarten going four days a week. The ratio of boys to girls is no longer five girls to every boy—it's almost even. However, recently, it happened again. My son was minding his own business after school, running and playing with his friends out on the front lawn while parents talked and gossiped.

A little girl with dimples and a ponytail and a year younger than Logan walked up to him.

"Logan," she said. "When I grow up, I'm going to marry you."


That is what appeared on my boy's face. Fright. Not because the girl is scary—she's quite adorable. But, because, now, twice in two years, girls have proclaimed their desires to marry him—and they were/are only three years old.

My son now has the pressure of two lasses wanting to marry him. What is he going to do when he gets older and falls in love?

I imagine his girlfriend asking, "Are we ever going to get married?"

A look of terror is going to sweep over my son's face and he is going to run for the hills. He is going to remember these two little girls coming to him at such a young and tender (and impressionable) age, about their desires to marry him, and he is going to freak out. It's too much pressure. Too much anxiety.

How do we avoid this?

Unfortunately, we can't. There will always be the added dread of relationships, both beginning and ending, that will haunt every individual throughout their lives. Sweaty palms, tongues that knot up when the object of our affection is around, stupidity… Yes, we all do stupid things for our loved ones. Don't deny it. Look back and you will find at least one stupid thing you’ve done for a loved one that you wouldn't do for anyone else.

Ahh, I have gotten off course. If any of you women out there have men who are afraid to or don't seem to want to commit, step back. Don't nag him or fuss at him. Don’t give him the ‘or else’ ultimatum. Think about a possible childhood event that has caused him severe trauma, such as a little girl at age three saying "I am going to marry you."

For many men, this is the root of commitment fears…

That will be a nickel please.


In the Silence of this Room can be purchased now at The Grey Sparrow Press website. Go here for more details:

In the Silence of this Room

My story, "Walking on Red Brick Road," is within these pages.


Being a University of Michigan fan, I was pleased to see Michigan win this weekend and both Ohio State and Notre Dame lose.

It's really the little things that bring me so much joy in life.


Cool places worth checking out:

Necrotic Tissue

The Patchwork Project


Dark Recesses



Paula Ray did an interview with me last week and she has posted it up at her blog page, Back Space Junkie. It's rather lengthy. Read, leave comments. Check it out here:

Back Space Junkie


And, one other thing—yeah, I’m on the Strawberry Kool-Aid again.

I'm AJ and I'm out…


  1. Lol, good post AJ and pass some of that strawberry kool-aid, I could use a nip or two.

    My daughter is 14 and has already had two, count them TWO boyfriends that she had planned on marrying. One was too old, so I scared him off with my shiny shotgun and the other one was just plain perfect. Too bad he broke up with her, leaving her utterly miserable and unable to ever have another boyfriend for the rest of her life.

    She's now vowed to spend the rest of her life - without boyfriend - and living with Mom. :-)

    Now, do you see why I need the kool-aid?

  2. Awww your poor son. hahah

    I was quite the opposite as a young girl and hated all contact with men. Those little boys that were after me at a young age, terrified me. I'm now the one who runs from commitment, it's a daily struggle. Little comments from my boyfriend like, "Can you imagine when we're old?" aren't getting to me quite as much anymore. Love this; it was really funny.

  3. that was a great story and I think you may have potential in writing. I have been writing, too, since I was about 9. And it is a great hobby! good luck in your writing career!