Monday, January 19, 2009

It's A Girl Thing and Other Nonsense

It’s a girl thing. That’s what it is: a girl thing.

Now, before I get into this, understand that I am talking about children here and some things just bother me, as a dad, which I probably wouldn’t think about if I were not a parent. One of those things is the pants with the words right on the butt. You know, words like CUTE, DIVA, BABY and things like that. These articles of clothing are made to bring attention to the female bottom. When that female is six then maybe she shouldn’t be wearing clothes with words on the butt. Just me? I hope not.

The other thing is what I would like to address now. I am constantly telling my niece to pull her pants up, your butt’s showing. Now, not all of her butt would be showing but enough of it so a person could see the booty crack. Too much butt showing for a nine year old, if you ask me. Now, I have to tell my daughter this same thing.

“Chloe, pull your pants up, your butt’s hanging out.”

My daughter has grown tired of me saying this but she still does it from time to time. Catherine bought her a belt to rectify the problem. Yet, still there are times I have to say those words: “Chloe, pull your pants up, your butt’s hanging out.”

Ah, but wait, there is more. You see I just discovered that this is INDEED a girl thing.

Today we took our children to one of the McDonald’s with the indoor play sets. While there, my son called me from atop one of the high landings within the play set. As I walked over to him I noticed two little girls, maybe under the age of five. They were heading up the large platforms in the same direction as my son. And guess what? Both of them had their butts hanging out.

I immediately turned to Catherine and said, “It’s a girl thing. They just like having their butts hang out.”

Catherine laughed at me and I pointed at the play set to the two little girls. “Their butt cracks are showing—I’m telling you it’s a girl thing.”

So, for all you dads out there having problems with your daughters about their butts hanging out don’t blame them. Blame the pants makers. Blame them for having these low rider types of pants.

The reason I think this is that you don’t see boys with pants that hug their waist letting them slide down to their hips and showing off their butts. Besides, boy undies fit differently than girl undies and the undies wouldn’t slide down to their hips unless the boy wasn’t wearing the right size underwear. Boy undies are made to hold, well, their boys in. Girl undies are made to look cute or pretty.

It’s all the clothing manufacturers’ faults. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.


On another note, Chloe, Logan and myself were wrestling on my bed tonight. They were winning. I called for my wife to help but it did no good. She was in the office and oblivious to my pleas for assistance.

I am extremely ticklish and my daughter knows this. She went straight for my stomach and I flipped her off the bed (gently, mind you). She hopped back up and pounced on me as I tried to pry my son off of my head where he had a vice grip on the top of my skull. As I did so, Chloe darted in, her small hands radaring (is that even a word) in on my stomach. I flipped over, planting my belly on the bed and rolling my son off my head at the same time.

Chloe wasted no time and booty dropped onto my legs.

Whenever I am lazing around like I did most of the day I just wear an old shirt and jeans. The shirt I wore today had a hole in it right about at the right shoulder blade. Logan, hopped onto my back as Chloe tried to work her fingers between the bed and my belly button. He licked my shoulder blade through the hole in my shirt.

“Logan,” Chloe yelled. “Daddy, Logan just licked your hole.”

Of course, I started laughing.

“What?” Chloe asked. “What did I say?”

“Nothing, Sweets,” I said. “Nothing at all.”


I received my third rejection of the year yesterday and it was a fairly nice one. It said a few things nice about the story I had submitted, but ultimately, it wasn’t a fit. I’m good with that. It wasn’t a form rejection, so I can live with that.

Currently, my word count for the month of January resides at a little over 31,000 words. I’m happy with that progress. I have three stories I am currently working on, one of which is going to reach that 10K mark. The other two stories I’m not quite sure how long they will be but I know one of them will be at least 6K.

I have no problems with that either, even though there are not many markets out there for longer works. If you have followed me over the past year, then you know that I prefer to let stories breathe and tell themselves. I just come along for the ride.


Okay, shameless plug time. My story The Woodshed is in the Dark Distortions anthology that came out last year. You can still get copies of the anthology by visiting Scotopia Press’s website.

Scotopia Press

There are other really good stories in there besides The Woodshed but I’m kind of bias on this one—I love the story I placed there and I’m happy that Scotopia Press accepted it. Molly Feese is a wonderful editor and easy to work with, though my knuckles do hurt from the way she kept smacking them with a ruler whenever I reached for the cookie jar.

Also, my Six Sentences story appeared on Saturday at Six Sentences. You can check it out by going here.

Six Sentences

Leave a comment, rate it if you will.


They’re calling for snow here tonight. How about them apples? My son has never seen snow up close and personal so I kind of hope it happens just so he can get a chance to play in it.

For now, I’m AJ and I’m out.


  1. Great post, AJ. LOL - the first members of the "crack ass gang" that I knew were all male. Guys with big guts that wore their pants low, under the gut - you know. And when they'd bend over to do some work (construction-type stuff), their crack was exposed for the world to see. We had to be careful, back then, and take documentation photography only from the front.

    Thanks for the laugh,

  2. "Daddy, Logan licked your hole!"

    Hmmmmmmm........... That's priceless.

    My daughter has the same problem! But I can't fault her for it either. She's always had a big booty. *sigh* When she hits her teens, OMG, am I gonna murder a helluva lot of boys. Although, I will blame my daughter (and myself) for her shamelessness. She'll choose to wear a skirt and has absolutely NO SHAME when her undies show. She does the exact same things she does in jeans and of course that means her skirt is riding up the entire time. And she doesn't care.

    In fact, neither of my kids seem to mind "accidentally" baring themselves. I don't know if I've done a good thing--by teaching them to be OK with their bodies and such--or a bad thing--by teaching them to be OK with their bodies. I can't even begin to imagine all the problems I've set myself up to have. *sigh* Though they know their limits! I have imposed boundaries!!! It just so happens that they know that at home those boundaries are set further away and they like to be weird. Mike will pull up his shirt and show me his "boobies." Yeah. He's 5. What have I done????

    Not that I showed him to do that. He just started doing it. Probably figured it out when he was 2 and kept ducking his head under my shirt and I told him to stop.

    Umm.. I'm rambling, so I'm going to stop now. :D


  3. Haha!

    AJ, Jennifer's 8-year-old daughter still does this, and I'm always saying the same thing. "Pull up those pants!" Or "Crack alert!" She has no shame, and I think you're right. It is a girl thing. A belt helps, IF she's wearing it, but she doesn't like to wear them. It's our precaution to have her wear a belt when we go places, but she likes to pull it off and stick it in the car if we're not watching her.

    Good God.


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